Storylog

Landon. It’s hard not to say that I truly loved this kid. I first met him actually before I was a police officer. Before I became a cop I was a Loss Prevention Manager for a local Wal-Mart. His mother worked at the store, and quite often her husband would bring their son, Landon, in. Landon was the all-American kid when I first met him at age ten. He loved his country, he loved God, he loved his family, and he was retarded. Unfortunately not in the “boyyy that kid is dope” retarded that kids talk about today, but actual Down syndrome. He was such a nice kid though. But the one normal thing on that kid that aged like it did with normal kids was puberty. Not so much in a physical way, but defiantly in a “RAWRRR Emotions!!!” type of way.

The first time I was called out to his house I nearly had to mace him. He had started to lift weights, and did not understand what was going on with his body. The testosterone just raged through him. Remember Warren from “Something About Mary”, it was that times ten. And understand that I don’t mean to demean those with Down syndrome from my descriptions, I’m just really too tired to tip-toe around how to properly describe it at this hour. Anyways, this kid was going nuts. He had already thrown a 32 inch television through the wall. As me and my partner show up he’s got one of those barbells, and is running towards us like a javelin thrower. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and was incredibly ripped. Christ it was terrifying. With a launch he throws the weighted spear through the wall, THROUGH THE FUCKING WALL. I knew we were absolutely hosed, so I reached for the only thing on my belt that wasn’t a gun or cuffs (I was in plain clothes at the time, during my detective days) my mace. Right when I pull it out, he cowers like a three year old girl, and rolls around on the floor. Jesus, I’d swear his own father was giving him steroids. Anyways after an hour long “Your okay Landon, don’t be upset. We love you, have a plastic badge honorary detective” session we had a long talk with his parents about what was going to happen if we had to return again, this was the 12th visit by my department in the last year. Things were quiet for awhile, which was reassuring, but then we learned that Landon had a girlfriend. Read the rest of this entry »

Last week while traveling I stopped at a Zany Brainy store and saw that they had a blimp for sale. It’s called Airship Earth, and it’s a great big balloon with a map of the Earth on it, and two propellers hanging from the bottom. You blow up the balloon with helium put batteries in it, and you have a radio control indoor blimp.

I’d seen these things for sale in Sharper Image catalogs for $60-$75. At Zany Brainy it was on clearance for $15. What a deal!

Last night my wife was playing tennis and it was just my daughter and I at home. I bought a small helium tank from a party store, and last night we put the blimp together.

Let me tell you, it’s quite a blimp. It’s huge. The balloon has like a 3 ft diameter.

We blew it up with the tank attached the gondola with the propellers, and put in batteries.

Then we balanced the blimp for neutral buoyancy with this putty that came with it, so it hangs in the air by itself neither rising nor falling. Read the rest of this entry »

I once worked in an office that was separated from the building opposite by a narrow road. All the windows on that side of the building were chest high so you could only look out if you stood up. There was nothing to see really except the second floor of the building opposite. Every morning I would grab my tea and stare out of the window wistfully for no particular reason other than to see the outside world. One morning I saw a woman looking out of the window of the building opposite and realised that she was waving to me. I waved back. The next morning the same thing happened. I realised that I was looking into her bed-sit and I guess she must have thought I had been watching her. I felt embarrassed but also oddly fascinated, like some kind of voyeur, and felt compelled to look out of the window any time I got the chance, even when I should really have been doing my work.

Sometimes she would sit at her dressing table putting on her makeup and then suddenly look up and smile. It was like a game of ‘peek-a-boo’. Sometimes she wasn’t wearing much or anything at all but she didn’t seem to care and waved to me without a hint of embarrassment. Other times she might pass the window and look out to see if I was there and if I was she looked happy. On a couple of occasions I would stay slightly out of sight and watch the expression on her face or just watch her relaxing on a big cushion or doing yoga. Sometimes she would look up as if sensing my presence and flash me a smile before continuing what she was doing. This went on for several weeks and each time I saw her I thought I knew her a little better. (read more @ The First Word Blog)

Few things are less appetizing than a man four years my father’s junior, a dumpy, pasty, greedy-eyed man in a gray suit who says he doesn’t care to screw fat women because they’re harder to overpower, asking me over a big bowl of warm apple crisp if I like anal sex. But since he’s just offered me $3,000 a month plus perks—gifts, dinners, shopping sprees—to get naked with him once a week, I keep my tight young ass in its place, laugh politely, and pick up my fork.

I learned about SugarDaddy.com when an acquaintance I’ll call “Kim” recommended it to my friend, who’s had trouble finding a job despite (or because of) earning her master’s in media arts several months ago. Kim collected $900 every time she went on a date with one of her sugar daddies; another gave her $3,500 in less than a week before announcing that he had to quit her because his wife had found out. Kim’s best friend “Jill” had two sugar daddies giving her a combined $8,000 a month until one got jealous of the other. Jill has blond hair, amazing lips, and is 19. (read more @ Mother Jones)

If any one person can be said to have set off the personal computer revolution, it might be Steve Wozniak. He designed the machine that crystallized what a desktop computer was: the Apple II.

Wozniak and Steve Jobs founded Apple Computer in 1976. Between Wozniak’s technical ability and Jobs’s mesmerizing energy, they were a powerful team. Woz first showed off his home-built computer, the Apple I, at Silicon Valley’s Homebrew Computer Club in 1976. After Jobs landed a contract with the Byte Shop, a local computer store, for 100 pre-assembled machines, Apple was launched on a rapid ascent.

Woz soon followed with the machine that made the company, the Apple II. He single-handedly designed all its hardware and software—an extraordinary feat even for the time. And what’s more, he did it all while working at his day job at Hewlett-Packard. The Apple II was presented to the public at the first West Coast Computer Faire in 1977. (read more @ foundersatwork.net)

Whilst drunken theft is not normally my thing, when a group of guys are driving past a McDonalds at three in the morning and notice a Ronald McDonald statue seated on a bench out the front, what are they to do?

Five minutes after grabbing some tools from the car, Ronald was riding along having a fine old time. He wound up at someones house who nearly got kicked out of home after his parents found Mr McDonald face down under the washing line the next morning. This created a problem… what the hell were we going to do with him?

After loading up on various glues and epoxies at ye olde hardware store we waited up until around 2am and bundled down to the local Burger King. After a quick check around we proceeded to transplant Ronald right onto a seat out the front of the opposition. To top it off we superglued one of those Burger King crowns you get with the kids meal to his head. There he remained for two days before he was finally removed and sent back to McD’s where he now lives inside away from the hands of men with too much time on their hands. (read more stories @ storg.net)

[This is the cartoon that inspired the name "gapingvoid". I drew it way back when, in college.]

When I first lived in Manhattan in December, 1997 I got into the habit of doodling on the back of business cards, just to give me something to do while sitting at the bar. The format stuck.

All I had when I first got to Manhattan were 2 suitcases, a couple of cardboard boxes full of stuff, a reservation at the YMCA, and a 10-day freelance copy writing gig at a Midtown advertising agency.

My life for the next couple of weeks was going to work, walking around the city, and staggering back to the YMCA once the bars closed. Lots of alcohol and coffee shops. Lot of weird people. Being hit five times a day by this strange desire to laugh, sing and cry simultaneously. At times like these, there’s a lot to be said for an art form that fits easily inside your coat pocket. Read the rest of this entry »

When my daughter Alison was born, in the tradition of a new parent, I began to photograph her, initially in a separate and private body of work. However, in the process of documenting Alison’s growth, I developed a passionate interest in human relationships and capturing intimate moments in the lives of family and friends.This affected my photography in a profound way. Rather than the isolated subjects of my earlier work, I became interested in the strength of relationships, oftentimes using personal environments to amplify those conditions.

My photographs of Alison, because of the nature of our relationship, are very much a father-daughter collaboration-Alison permitting me access to private moments of our life, which might, under different circumstances, be off-limits to a parent. The camera, early in her life, became part of our relationship, necessitating in me an acceptance, a quietness. We’ve never had long photographic sessions, but rather moments alone or with friends.

The significance of these pictures emerges in retrospect. I realize as I look at them, that I created a visual life story of Alison, capturing moments in her metamorphosis from infant to woman-her relationships with friends, her rebellion, and underlying it all, her relationship with me, a constant throughout her life. I wanted to photograph her in all her extremes, and to be part of these times in her life without judging or censoring. Only in this way would I have a true portrait of Alison. Read the rest of this entry »

I saw her post. The title was eye-catching, I clicked. There were 4 photos, all of them clear, reasonably close-up, and all stunning. Beautiful face, glowing complexion, auburn hair blowing in the wind. Is that a tulip field behind her in that one? Is she on boat in this one? Blue skies, sun shining, her smile wide and bright. The ad was relatively brief yet charming and creatively intuitive. I knew she’d be getting a ton of responses.

I wrote her, told the truth about myself, attached a picture and hoped for the best. The next day I get a response, she asks a few questions, I answer, and she writes back with her phone number. That’s right, I didn’t need to provide proof of birth or a pay stub. I called and she picked up on the first ring. Her voice wasn’t high-pitched or deep, it was just normal and a little perky, she rambled on and then I rambled on. I called her again, and then again, our conversations were fluid, no awkward pauses, she was simultaneously available and unavailable. Read the rest of this entry »

My wife’s parents divorced when she was 6 years old. Her dad, a dentist in a small Tennessee town North of Chattanooga, was banging a 22-year-old LPN named Kristen. When my wife’s mother found out, she took her daughter and left. Eventually, she remarried. Her new husband turned out to be a perfectly nice guy, but he has nonetheless never made much of a living. My wife’s dad was married to Kristen before the ink was dry on the divorce, and she soon thereafter became the office manager of his thriving little dental practice. The next few years saw a flurry of legal activity between the two former spouses, mostly regarding my father-in-law’s repeated failure to pay child support. After a while, my mother-in-law got tired of having to fight for every last scrap, and just kind of threw up her hands. All told, he wound up not having to pay around 25 grand.

My wife didn’t see a whole lot of him growing up, or even after we got married. He’d invite us over, or we’d go out to eat with him here and there, but eventually, my wife just couldn’t take that. See, he had two more daughters with Kristen, and those two got everything. We’re talking horses, fancy vacations, and expensive private schooling. The older one got a spanking new Volvo when she was in high school, and the younger one a Jeep Cherokee. And shit like that. Meanwhile, the wife and I struggled with our young family, and it upset her that he didn’t even seem to care. He never asked her if she needed anything. Read the rest of this entry »